october 2021
“The hardest part about growing up is realizing your parents are growing old.”
I just got back from a three day visit with my 81-year-old parents. They moved to Cleveland, Ohio from Cape Cod, MA in mid-September. No, not to a nursing home, but rather a lovely new home which they built five minutes from my brother and two hours from me.
My parents, affectionately known as Nonna & Doodad, were both born in 1940 and are blessed with good health and sharp minds like very few their age. When they built their retirement home eighteen years ago on Cape Cod, it seemed like they would live there forever. At the time, they were 63-years-old going on 50. They spent those precious years building strong bonds with an incredible group of friends, traveling around the world, growing amazing vegetable and flower gardens, and enjoying the sand and sea of Cape Cod.
Days, weeks, months, and years of a nearly picture perfect retirement on the Cape went by like a blink of an eye. We never really talked about whether there would be a “need” or “right” time for my parents to move closer to my brother and me. My father knew it would need to eventually happen, while my mother could not even imagine leaving the Cape.
There were a lot of hard good-byes to say, going away parties with friends, and plenty of tears shed by my Mom. But they did it…packed and unpacked their entire home, only hiring movers to load and unload. They are now embarking on a new journey in their 80’s and literally taking it all in stride like forty-year-olds.
“If we were meant to stay in one place, we would have roots instead of feet…”
~Rachel Wolchin
This was a new kind of visit with my parents. It was unlike the eighteen years of going to their Cape Cod home as “vacationers.” And when they came to see us in Columbus, they were thrown into the middle of our hectic day to day schedules. Life is now definitely different with my parents in Ohio, but in a very positive way.
I had fun watching them rushing around to get everything in its place like they were preparing for a big party. They have been simply amazing at taking on the task of moving at their age. I am happy I was there to help them do some unpacking, hang pictures, figure out their programmable furnace/air conditioner, and convince my mom to throw away lots of useless “stuff.”
When I pulled out of their driveway to leave, I waved good-bye with a sense of peace and gratitude for the precious time I had just spent with them. I am confident, for many reasons, that the days ahead are going to be just fine for the both of them.
Why are my parents so successful at living each day to its fullest? And all the while not really paying attention to the number associated with their age? There is no magic pill, or fountain of youth to drink from, but rather deliberate choices and patterns of behavior. They invest in what is meaningful and important without thinking their age is a barrier. My parents are definitely aging with intention.
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”
~ George Bernard Shaw
My Mom & Dad are definitely “young at heart.” Staying active has always been a vital part of their everyday life. Whether it’s walking, biking, gardening, working around the house, or just running errands, they always keep their bodies in motion. I often marvel at what appears to be their endless energy.
They are also smart eaters. Fruits and vegetables are always in the refrigerator and served at every meal. They only eat chicken and fish, avoid white breads and pasta, rarely indulge in dessert, are light drinkers, and aren’t overeaters. By staying active and eating healthy, they have avoided being overweight and remained “physically young” despite being in their 80’s.
Science proves the importance of practicing good, clean living. In a 2018 study , an international group of researchers led by scientists at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health found that "adopting five healthy habits could extend life expectancy by 14 years for women and by 12 years for men: eating a diet high in plants and low in fats, exercising at a moderate to vigorous level for several hours a week, maintaining a healthy body weight, not smoking and consuming no more than one alcoholic drink a day for women and two for men.”
~Circulation: July 24, 2018; Issue 4
My heart is happy watching my parents also thriving in their marriage after 56 years. They have an unspoken “love language” and exemplify honest respect for each other. Don’t get me wrong…they have their spats and can drive each other crazy. But at the end of the day, they never go to bed mad.
A healthy and loving relationship plays a large role in “successfully’ aging. Dr. Robert Waldinger, states. “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health. Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too.” He also goes on to state that happy marriages tend to have a “protective” effect on a person’s mental health.
My parents admittedly have their share of “senior moments.” Fortunately, studies are showing that heart healthy habits and daily mental stimulation lead to less cognitive decline as we age. They are definitely keeping their minds in tip top shape. Neither one of them have ever met a stranger they won’t talk to; they love to socialize. They also spend plenty of time reading, emailing friends, keeping abreast of the news, and watching movies and documentaries.
Growing older does not mean that your mental abilities will necessarily be reduced. A brain that gets smaller and lighter with age can still function as effectively as a younger brain. Researchers at Stanford University (USA) found that memory loss can be improved by 30 to 50 per cent simply by doing mental exercises. The brain is like a muscle - if you don't give it regular workouts, its functions will decline.
~ The Better Health Channel
My parents move to Ohio is positive for many reasons. One of the most important is being close to family. It’s been proven that regular interactions with family members can boost the mental, physical, and emotional health of older adults. They now have the opportunity and time to engage in the lives of their children, grandchildren, and great grand-children. And isn’t that life’s greatest gift?
“Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.”
~Baishali Goswami
The wonderful visit with my parents in their new home has opened my heart to reflection. There are many life lessons I have learned from them over the years. One of these is how I really need to focus on living healthier. I need to eat wiser, engage in exercise which is enjoyable and reasonable, and constantly keep my mind stimulated.
Aging with intention means making these choices now, instead of when it’s too late. My parents definitely did not get to 81 by just starting to live healthy lives in the last 10 years. And if I want to see my eighties, it’s time to start acting and living like it!
Thank you Mom and Dad. You are both so inspirational and truly exemplify how to live life to the fullest. I am eternally thankful to have you both happy & healthy and in Ohio. I love you.💜💜
“Aging and dying are inevitable;
we might as well make the
most out of the journey.”
