“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”
~David Bowie
I just celebrated my 54th birthday…
You should know, I have always hated celebrating my birthday…even more so since I turned 50. How did I get to be this age so quickly? Where did all the years go? And why, all of a sudden, do I look and feel old? I suppose this is a question many of us ask ourselves, especially on our birthday.
The truth is that we should embrace and celebrate our birthday, regardless of our age. It is the one day every year we can call our own. It’s a time to reflect on all of the amazing things that have brought you to your day with a heart full of gratitude. Don’t forget: it’s also a day to do what makes you happy without feelings of guilt or selfishness! Women, wives, moms…stop feeling guilty for doing something for yourself! We cannot take care of everyone else all the time without stopping to practice self-care and keep a smile upon our faces.
This year’s July 17th.
I enjoyed my birthday this year a little more than I normally do. I had a facial, ate birthday cake, spent more time reading my cards, texts, and Facebook messages. Then I settled in and finalized the writing of my very first blog post…this one!
My birthday gave me a gift this year: the conscious decision that I am not going to long for the past. Instead, I accept that aging is happening, regardless of how I might feel about it and in spite of my best efforts to stop time. It sneaks up on us and brings change along with it. Change can be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t need to be all negative as we are often led to believe.
The other side of 50.
How do we live the second half of our lives once we are in our 50’s? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to become “old” like some people do. I want to keep my mind open, my brain curious and stimulated, maintain a sense of humor, and be physically engaged in life on a daily basis
I recently read a piece written by a blogger I follow. She made me think about what conscious decisions I find myself now making in my 50’s which, simply stated, make me feel good.
Here are some of my pearls for aging with intention and purpose:
Take aging head on: accept, acknowledge, and embrace it!
This doesn’t mean you have to love your wrinkles. Go for the Botox, or whatever may make you feel better about yourself. No one ever said you have to “look old” even though you are getting older.
Choosing to love myself and respect my age means starting to make lifestyle choices that are sensible and realistic. Turning 50 has brought along weight gain, sleep loss, and the aches and pains of arthritis. So, I am making wiser choices to exercise, engage in better sleeping habits, eat more vegetables, cut out carbs and sugar, and choose foods with nutritional value. My habits may not be perfect, but making the effort to manage my health is a step towards progress…not perfection.
Aging with a sense of humor.
All kidding aside, there are some really crazy things that happen to a woman’s body and mind before, during, and after the years of menopause. There is no way around it, so you choose to laugh about it, because it’s a whole lot better than crying about it.
At a recent dinner with some girlfriends, we spent the time laughing about all of the undesirable things that are happening to us as we are moving through these years. Whether it’s a dry vagina, losing control over our bladder, having a “Vornado” fan on our nightstand for hot flashes, or not wearing belts anymore because of the “menopause belly”, it sure feels better knowing that even your best friends are experiencing the same frustrations of aging.
Be mindful.
Make your own decisions about what you believe is best for your mind, body, and soul. Don’t be persuaded by what others think you should or shouldn’t do during menopause. The bottom line is that whatever strategies and tactics you employ to help with mood swings, hot flashes, hormonal rages, and all of the other lovely things that happen, are yours and yours alone to choose.
Take time to read, listen, and learn how other women whose opinions you value and trust are handling this time of their lives. There are medicines, natural remedies, exercises, yoga, meditations, chiropractic work, and so many worthy and creative ways to take the stress out of this life change and come out on the other side stronger and more empowered.
This process is filled with trial and error. Your body and mind will tell you when something is working.
Be insanely good to yourself.
It is really hard to feel comfortable in your own skin while going through the aging process. Being the best possible version of yourself means being happy, a little bit selfish, and doing things that are enjoyable and worthwhile while showing yourself grace. Some days you are going to feel better than others. Don’t put yourself out there when you aren’t feeling up to it.
I made a promise to myself and I’m fully committed to it. When I don’t feel good enough to put my game face on, I retreat. I make no apologies about having to find my quiet space. It’s okay to say no! This gives me time to take care of myself and heal. Then when I am ready, I come out stronger, looking and feeling good about myself. Know your limits and set boundaries. The people who love you will respect this.
Choose to forgive.
This is a tough one, but a conscious choice I had to make to move to a better place in my head.
By forgiving yourself and others, a whole lot of unnecessary weight is lifted off your shoulders. Being able to forgive allows us to heal from the hurt or pain that we have either caused or endured. It doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong, nor does it deny your (or any other person’s) responsibility. Instead, it is an intentional change in negative feelings, attitudes, and actions which allows you to heal and move on. You cannot change the past. You cannot control the actions of others. You can, however, control your decision to either harbor anger or be at peace.
Never take time for granted.
Over the last five or so years, I have experienced the death of friends with significantly greater frequency. Whether cancer, heart attacks, strokes, or other means, life has ended for some pretty special people I had the privilege of knowing. My own mortality is slapping me right in the face.
I know that time has become more precious; I need to use it wisely and with intention. For me, this means spending more time with people I enjoy in my life, frequently treating myself to a facial, window shopping more often, buying a bouquet of flowers, reading, writing, and being physically active in my own life.
Acknowledging and embracing what our fundamental purpose is allows us to capture life’s every moment with passion and intention.
Thank you for reading. My hope is that some of these ideas and thoughts guide you through the aging journey with grace and peace. I look forward meeting you and hearing your stories about aging with intention.
